Hello Dear friends, I felt it on my heart to begin blogging more frequently. Usually, I only give blogging a chance unless I have something that would be “really cool” to share or some kind of revelation. But oddly I am in a season that I feel that God is leading me to write more about the daily thoughts. Not only to release my mind from the bottled up mess that it typically seems to be to acknowledge that I have the mind of Christ, but to influence those that are reading. To start, I would like to encourage you with one simple phrase…
You’re not alone.
I have heard this phrase probably a hundred times in the last 8 months. And I am only now beginning to appreciate and accept it as true. I think I speak for all of us when I say, we have seasons that we feel completely alone. And I think the reason it has taken me so long is because I always felt that even though everyone was telling me that and I could see in the natural that people were experiencing similar things as I was, I was not able to grasp it because it didn’t truly aid the situation, only temporarily cushioned the blow. Almost like an addict has a quick fix, that is the effect the phrase seemed to have on my mental and emotional state. It is amazing how stiff and yet empty you can feel when you aren’t able to understand the love of the father.
How many times have you run to different things looking for them to satisfy? Whether that be people, money, material items. I will give you a little insight into my testimony. As a teenager, I fell into the trap of wanting to be wanted and doing anything to get it. Yeah, I went to church twice a week and was even very involved in youth but it is not uncommon for young adults to lead 2 different lives.
You see, I was the type that desired to be popular but never did anything crazy to get there. I didn’t feel comfortable talking with people and I didn’t have the confidence to even be around them, but deep down I wanted to be like those girls. The ones that were “so pretty” and had all the guys raving about how awesome they were. It is as if they were a gorgeous shoreline with white sand and crystal clear water. Nothing but perfection. And as most girls do, I quickly jumped on the comparison train. Although, I drew in close inside my shell as I felt that I was a black abyss with no ounce of beauty to offer, the dark mystery lying beneath the surface. This is a journey that many young ladies embark on without any clue that it leads to something more dangerous than they may have expected. On the outside, it seemed that I had everything together, but deep down, I was lost, depressed, and confused.
Fast forward time a bit and now I am working with the Lord as he pulls me out of the pit that I worked so hard to dig myself into. Thinking that it would lead to happiness but that is exactly what the enemy wants you to think. And before you know it, you are covered completely in the dirt and don’t know which way is up. As I look back, I regret how much time I spent on my outward appearance to have the chance that someone would look at me. I wish I would never have given pieces of my heart away to people and things that didn’t even matter in the light of eternity.
But I know that I am forgiven and God is continuing to repair all the broken pieces of my heart and begin to fill it with his love. It’s not a bad thing to be an abyss you know. Yes, it seems dark but those rare few that have an opportunity to venture beneath the surface will see that there are light and so many things to discover. Protect your heart and be careful what kind of divers you allow into the depths. And let me just say, since then, my desires have changed. I’d much rather be compared to the abyss than the shallow waters with no depth just limited appearance.
As I continue with this new journey, I will begin to express my heart and share some of the many thoughts that breeze through my mind each day.