Just a mini life update. Matthew and I are still believing for a vehicle and every day I sit there wondering when and how God is going to provide for us. I have come up with so many possibilities. Anonymous check in the mail, someone parking by me at the store and handing me the keys to their brand new vehicle. I have predicted that the night at life group where they took financial donations to give to us to put toward the vehicle would turn into some phenomenal story about how someone chose to give us what they had, a car. We hear about these amazing testimonies about God’s provision daily and I don’t know about you but I find it very difficult to fight those thoughts of, “What about me God?”, “Don’t you see our needs as well?”. And he reminds me so gently that he sees every need and he has met it at this point in time. It may not be what I was expecting but he meets the needs.
For example, our friends are letting us borrow their vehicle until we are able to get a new one. And this is such a blessing! Especially since it has A/C and we just went to our heat wave week (temperatures up to 114 degrees!). But somehow all I can think is, well, we have quite a bit of saving left to do before we can afford the vehicle we would like. This is a whole other topic on feeling like we are taking advantage of the blessing..Another post for another day. But the point is, God is providing in such a different way than I would want. Just being real and vulnerable with you in hopes that you too will come to see how much God is providing for your every need, sometimes in crazy creative ways that don’t always seem like a miracle worth praising for.
I was reading a Jesus Calling devotional yesterday (August 7th) and if you haven’t read that yet, I encourage you to read a few excerpts online and then I guarantee you will want to purchase it. It has been such a tool in my life to hear the voice of God better and to be reminded of His heart for me and the situations I am going through. I have included the devotional here.
“Understanding will never bring you Peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again; searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master).
The wisest of all men, Solomon, could never think his way through to Peace. His vast understanding resulted in feelings of futility, rather than in fulfillment. Finally, he lost his way and succumbed to the will of his wives by worshiping idols.
My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace.”
I have been trying to put to words the way that I have been handling this trying season. Spectate, predict, but it was Peace. I have been trying to understand what God is doing. Trying to “figure out” his secret plan for this miracle. So that I could be at peace and not anxious about what the season ahead looks like when our friends say they need their car back but we don’t have ours yet. Or where we would like/can afford to move to in the next few months. And yes I even had to resist the urge to say, “Okay God, I get what you’re trying to teach me. To trust you and depend on you! Now I get the vehicle, right? Because I finally learned what you wanted to teach me.” Haha, silly me, even in the midst of God telling me to trust him, I had that tendency to try and figure things out on my own. Trying to plan it out according to what I think is best is a downhill slide. But His peace takes me back up to His perspective on this whole picture.
I am a very independent person by nature but God created my personality to still be dependent on Him. Dependent on his peace. A peace that can only be attained from trusting in His way and not trying to take matters into our own hands. Thank the Lord for his grace and forgiveness. Because time and time again I have fallen into this trap of wanting to make it happen now in my own strength and knowledge.
What are some areas in your life you have been asking God for understanding? Maybe He just wants to give you his Peace as you learn to trust in Him. Trust that He is a good Father who loves you and knows what is best for you. You can be released from the pressure, time and energy you have spent trying to put the puzzle pieces together to form something that makes sense. His ways are higher than our ways (Isa. 55:8-9). Get off that treadmill that is leading you nowhere and begin to walk in His Peace today. He is right beside you, holding your hand. He is all that you need and He is more than enough for you today!
The Holy Spirit is your helper in this area, like always, it doesn’t happen overnight. Growth is a progressive thing not instantaneous. If it happened right away, you wouldn’t have all those sweet moments of trusting Jesus and relying on Him.
Love you guys! Have a wonderful rest of your week!